The Plus Sign

A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enrol their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.

This pattern of behaviour continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.

The boy shook his head and said "No."

"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"

"No."

"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"

"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"

Sibling Memories

Yesterday I was talking to my 'older' sister on Skype. (Tee hee hee. I can hear her now. What! I'm not older!) Actually I am the oldest sibling, but she is my oldest sister, so I finally get to say older about one of them besides myself.

Anyway I was going over with her which old pictures from Mom I didn't have and then we were going through who was who in them and where and so on.

I had one picture of us when we were younger and I didn't know some of the kids in the picture, so I was showing it to her in the webcam. She knew right away who everyone was and began relating times and experiences involving some of the kids in the picture.

She rekindled a memory that had left me long ago about the old car with the rumble seat in the back. This old car belonged to Gail's family and some of us got to have a ride in it. I don't remember riding in it, but I do remember the car.

I find it so fascinating that memories about the same times and places while we were growing up are so different for each of us.

I love my siblings very much and look forward to and enjoy all the times we get to spend together and cherish the stories about memories of when we were all growing up on Twigg Island. I often think how lucky we are to have such a close relationship with each other.

Smart Radio!

The lexus and the president....

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back complaining that the radio wasn't working. "Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completly automated. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to and you will hear exactly that!" She drives out , somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson". The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"

Soon she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road again". The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

Stopped at an intersection, her light turned green and she pulled out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision. "Asshole.....", she muttered. And from the radio.....
"Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States....

Look What I Found!

I found this while surfing the net looking for old photos of where we grew up in the 50's. This is an artists illustration of the garage, auto repair shop and store at the top of the road where we lived. The people in the photos are relatives of the owner and the Bougie's that owned most of the other side of the street we were on.
Click on the link below and check it out.
http://www3.telus.net/bougieblog/Twigg_Island.pdf

Misunderstanding

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

These Guys Are Amazing

These guys are something. Listen to this youtube video and see how many songs are written with the same four chords.

Axis Of Awesome - 4 Four Chord Song (with song titles)
- Watch more Funny Videos at Vodpod.

Catholic Heart Attack

After suffering a heart attack and having quadruple bypass surgery, a man woke up to find himself in a Catholic hospital with nuns taking care of him. As they nursed him back to health, one of the nuns asked him if he had health insurance.

"No," he replied, "No health insurance."

"Do you have any money in the bank?" asked the nun.

"No. No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have any relatives you could ask for help?"

The man replied, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

At this the nun became irritated. "Nuns are not spinsters. Nuns are married to God!"

"OK, then," said the man. "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Luckiest People Ever