Airlines

At the airline check in at Heathrow, William has three bags. He puts them down and says to the young lady, 'I'd like you to send this one to Los Angeles, that one to Hong Kong and the last one to Durban.'

Her face shows signs of confusion before her training takes over and she says, ' I'm afraid we can't do that sir.'

'Why not?' demands William, 'you did it the last time I flew with you.'

Happily Ever After

A couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches of Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful, loving couple. The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The husband replied, 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America, explained the man.'

We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, 'What's wrong with you woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you friggin crazy?' She looked at me and quietly said ' That's once.'

And from that moment on we have lived happily ever after.

Memorial Plaque

The service:

Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The seven year old boy had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

Good morning, replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "What is this?" Alex asked.
"Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"

Retirement

I found this little poem about the joys of retirement and getting old on the internet.

Another year has passed
And we are a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
I'm racking my brain for happy thoughts,
To put down on my pad.
But lots of things that come to mind
Just make me kind of sad.
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About living 'In The Past.'
We used to go to friends' homes,
Football games and lunches,
Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
And after funeral brunches.
We used to have hanovers
From parties that were gay,
Now we suffer body aches
And sleep the night away.
We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.
We used to travel often
To places near and far,
Now we get backaches
From riding in the car.
We used to go out shopping
For new clothing at the Mall,
But now, we never bother.....
All the sizes are too small.
That is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up.....
Before you're too darn old!

Before Cameras

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted.

Some paintings of George Washington showed him behind a desk with one arm behind his back, while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.

Arms and legs are limbs, therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.
Hence the expression, "It'll cost you an arm and a leg."

Solar Project Beginning

Yesterday morning, Rose and Colin drove up from Penticton just to help us build the platform for the solar panels, for which I am so very grateful as we would not have been able to do this with my hip as it is.

As it was, I thought I could do more than I thought and was worn out by lunch time.

Colin kept telling me I was doing too much anyway, so I sat down and supervised. I found out later that he was right. I could hardly walk by supper time.

I was walking better this morning, but still hurting.

Senior's Discussion

A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems, over coffee at the local Senior Center one morning.

'Do you realize,' said one, My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.' 'Yes, I know,' replied the second, 'And my cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee anymore.'

'And I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,' chimed in the third. 'My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,' commented the fourth, adding, 'I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.'

'Oh well, it's not all bad,' piped up the first senior, ' We should be thankful we can still drive.'

Three Doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city.

Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best places for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which hotel she was in so he called her room wondering what had happened.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

The new stewardess replied "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Evening Out

Brenda and Tom are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out. The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it back out. Brenda, not wanting it to be known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, "My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times to get her to come out.

Miracle Fix

Fresh from the shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of telling me it's not so, he comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day, take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds. Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years." my husband replied. I stopped. "Do you really think that rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make them grow larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat, he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He's still alive and with a great deal of therapy, he may walk again someday.

Oil Spill

Yes,it definitely has been a long, long time since I posted anything on my blog. Indeed!!!! I've been thinking about it for some time now and decided to just do it. Procrastination! My number one fault and the story of my life, but more on that another day.


The news of President Obama losing his cool today sparked some thoughts on that subject.
Safeguards and regulations should been in place before anything like this ever happened.

The oil companies boast about stats where spills and mishaps have declined over the past many years, but that to me is no excuse. The devastation and damage done by the Exxon Valdez spill should have been a wake up call.

The oil companies have raped us for years and the governments of the world have been helping them by turning a blind eye, all for the sake of the mighty buck.


The heartache and grief as well as the hardships to come for the families of those killed and seriously injured in the Gulf of Mexico spill is so very sad, but the resulting devastation and economic chaos is going to be felt for generations and the big oil companies will continue to rake in the big money and nary a second of sleep will be lost by any of them. Greed will prevail.


The world needs to reduce it's energy consumption and dependency on oil. Global warming? That's just a myth, they say.

However, it's our children and grandchildren who will be left to suffer the consequences of that. That is, if the planet lasts that long. Enough said for now!

Snow In April

Ron, Louise, Karen and Jim all came down to see us, which was a nice lift to my spirits as I hadn't been feeling so great most of the time.

My appetite was not too good, my belly was growing and uncomfortable and I was cold most of the time. Also I was spending a lot of time on the toilet.

Thankfully Ron and Jim helped Craig fix the washing machine while they were here as I would never have been able to lift the dryer down or help move the washer.

A hose had come loose and it was making an awful racket whenever I needed to use it. They also gave the pool pump a whirl as it had a slight leak, but were unable to get it to budge.

The weather was a bit unsettled, but not too bad. Some of them even went for a walk down the greenway and around the neighborhood.

Mother Nature reminded us that winter wasn't quite over yet. We got a surprise snowfall, but it didn't last for long.

Jim and Karen brought pork cutlets along with them and introduced us to a dish with Panko crumbs. Yum, yum. It was a delicious and enjoyed by all I'm sure. Kick started my appetite I think.

It was a fun time and a good visit. We even got the chance to play some Joker too.